Turning Saints Into The Sea
by Faith229
Summary: When Remus Lupin comes back from the summer holidays with stories of a new lover, a certain friend seems to take it badly...Remus/OC, with Remus/Sirius later on. Swearing and fluff, nothing too heavy.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is my new multi-chaptered fic (Obviously.). Reviews are much appreciated as always, and obviously I don't own the Marauders, Sid Vicious or Mr Brightside (referenced in the title). Clearly any story needs a bit of build up, and I guess this is it, so excuse the lack of actual events in this chapter. Enjoy!**

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><p>"Okay sweetie, make sure you talk to Professor McGonagall if you still want to be an auror, and see if she has any more advice on the grades you'll need. Oh, and if you need any more potions ingredients, just send an owl home and we'll pop down to Diagon Alley to get some for you, because it's so much better than the stuff they sell in Hogsmede." His mum kissed James repeatedly on both cheeks, her grey curls tickling his face.<p>

"And remember, James, do _try_ to stay out of trouble this year. I know you boys can be a bit silly at times, but I don't want any more letters home, okay?" James' father patted down the shoulders of James' shirt.

"I'll try…no promises." James gave the pair of them a wicked smile. His parents sighed wearily and turned their attentions towards Sirius.

"Sirius, it has been a pleasure to have you stay for the summer, and I'm sure you know that any time you need it, our door is open for you. Especially after…" Mrs Potter hesitated and looked towards the end of the platform, where a stern looking aristocratic woman was guiding a skinny, black haired teenage boy with a large trunk. The woman caught Mrs Potters gaze and narrowed her eyes at her in loathing.

"Ignore her." Mr Potter said, steering his wife away from the stare of Walburga Black. James also tore his eyes from the pair, but Sirius kept eye contact with his brother.

"He…he's properly under her control now, isn't he?" Sirius whispered. "The silly, stupid boy. A true Black, through and through." James swung an arm around his best friend.

"S'alright mate, you've still got us." He muttered, hugging Sirius protectively. Sirius curled into the hug, before suddenly springing up with his eyes wide and a huge grin on his face.

"MOONY!" He yelled, sprinting towards the smaller boy who he had just seen appearing through the wall of platform 9 ¾. Remus smiled at him and held his arms out. Sirius grabbed his friend in his arms and picked him off the ground, swinging him in a full circle and clearing the area around them both.

"Hello, Sirius. Glad to see me?" Remus laughed, still in Sirius' arms. By this point, James had also run up to the pair, and was now tapping his foot on the ground.

"Oi, Padfoot, do you wanna share sometime? I've missed my Moony too!"

Sirius shook his head vigorously.

"Whatever, you selfish bugger. That's fine. I'll just hog Peter then, when he gets here! Hah!" James said. He heard Sirius giggle into Moonys clothes.

"Cool. Keep him. Moony smells a lot nicer than Peter. And moans less. Speak of the devil, I think I can see him over there talking to that Hufflepuff Monica. Again. Honestly, she'll put out a restraining order soon…"

The boys watched as Monica eventually stormed away from Peter, and Pete sloped over to the corner where his friends were all congregating.

"Morning." He grumbled, reaching into his pocket for a bar of chocolate. All three boys looked offended at him.

"Six weeks without seeing any of us and all you have to say for yourself is 'Morning'? Call yourself a Marauder!" James scoffed.

"Sorry…It's just that things aren't going as well as I'd have hoped with Monica." Peter said apologetically. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"All aboard now! Quickly!" The conductor yelled to the platform. Many children scurried around trying to get a last minute hug from their parents, or find their friends to get a seat with.

"I'll go and find us a compartment with Peter, you two had better go and say goodbye to the Potters." Said Remus, finally getting out of Sirius' grasp. The two of them disappeared onto the Hogwarts Express, leaving James and Sirius to say goodbye to the Potters.

"Now, make sure you write to us, and be good!" Mrs Potter said, swiftly giving both boys a kiss on the cheek. Mr Potter shook their hands and sent them on their way, running along the platform with the rest of the parents when the train finally set off on its journey through the countryside.

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><p>It didn't take long for James and Sirius to find their friends. Peter and Remus had settled themselves into an empty compartment near the front of the train, and Peter was already loading sweets onto the table.<p>

"So how come your parents weren't here then?" Asked James, addressing both the other boys.

"Dad dropped me off on his way to the Ministry, and Mum's at work too." Said Remus, eyeing up Peters pile of chocolate frogs.

"My parents are at work too. I had to travel here on the Knight bus, all by myself." Peter said smugly of his newfound independence.

"Well done, Pete." Sirius sniggered. "So, what did you pair get up to in the holidays then? Your letters didn't say much."

"My family went on holiday to Belgium." Peter said, unwrapping a liquorice wand. "Dad wanted to see all the Muggle war things, but Mum and I just wanted to go and buy chocolate." At this word, Remus' ears pricked up.

"Chocolate?" He asked. "Where? Did you bring any back for m- us?"

Peter shook his head sadly.

"My mum said that I've got to save up my money, and she wouldn't let me buy presents for people. She even limited how much chocolate I could buy for myself…" He started, but was interrupted by Sirius.

"You're a terrible friend, Peter! TERRIBLE! How could you, eh? How are you going to live with the fact that you went to the chocolate capital of the world and didn't bring any back for our Moony? Our Moony, who is registered on the Hogsmede mailing list to receive updates about their new stocks? Moony, who has tried every single flavour they stock, including their Spiders and Flies flavoured one?"

"Not a pleasant experience…" Remus interjected.

"…Moony, who once muttered in his sleep that he would like to melt down 100 bars of their Cinnamon and Vanilla flavoured chocolate into a large vat and swim around nake-"

"That's quite enough, Sirius." Remus said sternly. "And honestly Peter, it's fine. I understand having to save up money. Ignore Sirius." Remus said while reaching into his bag to pull a book out. Sirius and James stared at him in disbelief.

"Oh, so you don't want to hear about _our _summer then? We not good enough for you then, Moony?" James huffed, folding his arms and sinking into his seat.

"Of course I want to hear, but you know I _can_ do more than one thing at a time. Listening and reading at the same time is a very useful skill, James, one I'd have thought you'd have mastered by now." Remus said without taking his eyes off his book. It was old-looking and quite plain, bearing a simple title on its front: _The Hound of the Baskervilles_. "Besides, I know exactly what you two will have done; gone to some Muggle nightclubs, got off with some nice looking girls before disappearing into the night…same old, same old."

Sirius and James stared at him, mouths hanging open. Yes, it was _exactly _what their summer had entailed, but they had expected Remus to listen wearily to their stories before making a comment about their apparent lack of respect for female feelings. They hadn't expected him to shoot them down so quickly.

"W-w-well…" James stuttered. "I'll have you know that I only kissed three girls this summer, thank you very much!"

"And one boy, but I've been sworn to secrecy on the story behind that one…" Sirius muttered. James shot him a look of pure evil before looking back to Remus.

"I tried to control myself, honestly! I reckon this year's gonna be my year, the year Evans _finally_sees me for the amazing man I am!" James proclaimed, subconsciously ruffling his hair at the same time.

"Well clearly your ego hasn't gotten smaller over the summer. And what about you, Sirius? Did you try to control yourself?" Remus said, his butterscotch eyes drilling into Sirius' deep grey ones. Sirius gulped nervously.

"Ummm…Well you see…" He stammered. "It was very hard, you know. They honestly couldn't keep away from me!" He said with no trace of egotism.

"That's because you cut your hair all short and wore a lock round your neck so they all thought you were Sid Vicious, mate. Turns out Muggle birds go mad for the punk look. Who knew, eh?" James shrugged. Remus sighed haughtily.

"So go on then, Rem. What have you got up to over the summer then? Met any nice lasses in the town library? Or were they all put off by the fact you're several decades younger than them?" Sirius joked. Remus visibly stiffened in his seat.

"No, actually. No lasses this year." He muttered, still seeming bothered by something.

"So what did you do then? You can't have spent the entire summer reading, can you?" James joined in with the questions, while Peter sat forward to listen in too. Remus answered, still keeping his eyes locked on the page in front of him.

"I had a summer romance. With a lad."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again! As you can see, chapter 2 is up! Little bit of story growth in this one, but shorter than the last chapter. And I got to write quite possibly my favourite friendship in this chapter, yay! Anyways, enjoy! (P.s. I actually got reviews on the last chapter, and they _do _make me incredibly happy so keep it up!)**

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><p>James choked on the chocolate frog he had stolen from Peter. Peter himself was staring at Remus with his mouth open as wide as it could possibly go. And Sirius had magnificently spat out a mouthful of butterbeer (Remus thought it looked like a scene from one of those Muggle comedies that his mum sometimes showed him.). The boys sat in deathly silence for a minute or so before Peter broke it.<p>

"A lad? As in…a boy?" He finally said, looking quite perplexed. Remus still hadn't moved a muscle and was continuing on with his book.

"Yes, Peter, a lad. Do catch up." Remus said curtly.

"A boy…with boy parts? And no girl parts?" Peter asked again, waving his hands in the general direction of his crotch.

"Nope. No girl parts." He replied. At this point, Sirius stirred from his reverie.

"How do you know, eh Moony? Have you two been…?" Sirius made a slightly overcomplicated hand gesture. "Have you? Moony, I don't even think you know _how_ to do that with two sets of…man parts!" Remus was starting to blush from behind the book.

"Look…what we did over the holidays is none of your business. _Any_ of your businesses." He again locked eyes with Sirius, making sure he understood not to pry any further. James had also apparently taken the hint, sinking baffled back into his chair. Peter, however, was slightly oblivious.

"So what's his name then? Does he live near you? Has he got nice hair? I bet he's got nice hair, you look like the type to go for gir-people based on their hair…" Peter gabbled on.

"Peter, leave it." James spoke for the first time since the revelation. "Look, Rem, whatever you want to do…we'll support you. Right, Siri, Pete?" He glared at the other two boys. Peter nodded furiously but Sirius stayed still.

"What is he then, a Muggle or a wizard?" He snapped. "Because if we're going to support you and your new boyfriend, I'd at least like to know who the fuck he is."  
>The compartment stayed silent and tense, all three boys staring at Remus until he finally snapped the book shut and put it on the table.<p>

"Fine, Sirius. You want to know? He's a wizard. He lives in the town next to mine, and his name is William Holmes. Anything else?" Remus said coolly. The others looked baffled.

"Wait, I've never heard of anyone at Hogwarts called Holmes, I've never even heard of a Wizarding family called that before…" James said, hand in his hair. The other Marauders had come to realise that he did this not only as a means of flirting with girls, but when he was frustrated or confused. Some people had comfort blankets, others had necklaces they would play with and so on. James had his hair.

"Well…that's because his family are Muggles. And he went to Beauxbatons, which is why you haven't heard of him before. He has family in France, you see." Remus gulped nervously. James and Peter seemed satisfied with this answer, but Sirius pressed on.

"What does he look like then, this Wallace Horne? Does he treat you well? How long were you together for?" Sirius asked all at once. Remus sighed, sounding slightly distressed.

"It's William Holmes, not Wallace Horne. And anyway, can we change the subject now? Please?" He begged. James and Peter both shrugged nonchalantly, and Sirius slumped in his seat, finally defeated. A _very_awkward silence ensued. At least, until the loud First Year knocked on the door of the compartment. Sirius growled at him, James stared and Peter…waved happily. Only Remus opened the door to him.

"Can we help you?" Remus asked politely, after all he was still a Prefect and it was his duty to help the students _blah blah _role model _blah _representative of the school, etcetera.

"Yeah, have you seen a cat anywhere? Only mine's gone missi-"

"No kitties in here, now piss off." Sirius said, shutting the door before the boy could complete his sentence, making the compartment even tenser.

"Umm…Where were we…" James mumbled. "Oh! Molly Weasley had her baby over the summer, my Mum told me. A boy named Percy. Apparently he looks just like Bill." Remus and Peter both smiled.

"Could you ask your mother to pass on our congratulations? Although I'm sure Molly will be receiving them by the bucket load." Remus said, picking up his book again. James picked something out of his pocket.

"Anyone for a game of cards?"

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><p>They arrived hours later at Hogwarts, after a quiet journey during which Sirius and Remus spoke very rarely. As they lined up to go inside the Great Hall with the rest of the Gryffindors, they heard a cackling above their heads.<p>

"Ooh lookie here, it's the Black Sheep, Petticoat, James Pooper and Loony, Loopy Lupin!" Peeves cackled. Remus looked around them curiously, before yanking his wand out of his robes.

"_Waddiwasi!_" He muttered, pointing his wand at Peeves. A piece of gum flew out of a nearby third year girls mouth, and zoomed straight up Peeves nostril, seemingly causing him a great deal of pain. The other Gryffindors, and indeed some of the Hufflepuffs behind them, applauded Remus. Peter, James and Sirius all stared at Remus.

"Nice one, mate!" James said, clapping him on the back.

"Wow! That was amazing!" Peter gushed, eyes wide.

"Did your French boyfriend teach you that?" Sirius sneered. Suddenly a pair of pale, willowy arms had wound themselves around the tawny-haired boy's shoulders.

"Who has a boyfriend?" Lily asked, tucking her chin into Remus' collarbone in greeting. Sirius rolled his eyes at the new arrival, while Peter waved at her. James glared at Remus enviously.

"Hello, Lily." Remus smiled. "Have a nice summer?" Remus had always been the only Marauder that Lily had properly got on with. Well, him and occasionally Peter, who seemed harmless in Lilys eyes. Unlike James and Sirius.

"It was nice, thank you. Tuney was in London over the summer for a course, so I didn't see her much. I met up with some Muggle friends from my old school, things like that." Lily said, waving back at Peter and refusing to acknowledge the other two. "Anyway, who has a boyfriend now? A girl you like? Who is she? I'll get her to dump him for you!" Lily grinned, now messing up Remus' hair. Remus was about to reply when his eyes went very wide.

"Ah…yes…can I talk to you later, Lily? After the feast maybe?" Remus asked. He had a look on his face that people generally connected with him having a good idea.

"Of course, Rem. Anyway, I have to go now. See you later!" She gave Remus one last squeeze and then waved goodbye to him and Peter. James and Sirius blinked at them both.

"Well then…" James coughed. "Lovely how she left us out. It was like we weren't even there!" He carried on sulking all the way into the hall, but had cheered up by the time the sorting was over. The anticipation of the first feast had that kind of effect. Except, predictably, on Sirius.

"Oh my god…It's gorgeous!" Peter groaned when the food appeared on the table. The other students around them were chatting excitedly and digging into the food laid out for them. Sirius seemed to raise his spirits slightly.

"You reckon this hall is waterproof?" He mused, scanning the room for flaws. The boys knew that Sirius could only plot a prank when he was at least a little cheery. Just then, Professor McGonagall walked up to their section of the table with Lily in tow.

"Mr Lupin, would you please assist Miss Evans? A new first year disappeared to the toilet a while ago, and we appear to have…lost him." McGonagall cringed slightly. "Anyway, think of it as your first Prefect duty of the year. It shouldn't take too long, I can't imagine the food will have gone by the time you get back." She stood back so that Remus could get up from the bench.

"Rem, you can tell me that thing you wanted to talk to me about on the way! Is it to do with that lad you mentioned before?" Lily asked, linking arms with Remus and walking him out of sight. Sirius picked up a fork and began brutally stabbing a shepherds pie.

"Christ, Padfoot, cheer up! It might never happen!" James joked in high spirits, pouring a glass of pumpkin juice.

"What if it already has?" Huffed Sirius, now mutilating some mashed potato.  
>James and Peter looked at each other exasperated, not entirely sure what to do with their clearly frustrated friend. But for the time being, they would eat.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, so this chapter may not be as long as the last two, but it has lots of fluff and funny!Peter so YAY! Anyway, _obviously _I don't own Marc Bolan of fame, but I thought he would be a good musical icon for James, seeing as Sirius has Sid Vicious (I'm feeling Beach Boys for Peter, and a secret David Bowie obsession for Remus maybe?). So yeah, as always reviews are much appreciated!  
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><p>The boys were officially home. Back in their dormitory of five years, miles away from Pureblood enthusiast families and oblivious Muggles. And although they may not have been on the best of terms at that moment, their surroundings gave them some peace.<p>

Sirius was in the bathroom putting his toiletries away. James was standing on his bed with his wand, trying to charm his Marc Bolan poster into a moving one. So far he had only got his fingers to move along the neck of his guitar. Peter was, for some reason, _under_ his bed. And Remus was re-folding his pyjamas and packing them in his drawers. James suddenly jumped off his bed and skipped over to Remus, keeping his eyes on the bathroom door as he did so.

"Look, just cut him some slack, okay? He's just not used to the idea of you having a boyfriend, he'll get over it. Trust me!" James whispered in his ear, before messing up Remus' hair and running back to his poster. Remus patted his mane back down before dropping his pyjamas in a heap on the floor and following James to his bed.

"I _know_, but he doesn't have to be such a…such a…bugger about it!" Remus hissed. "What if it was Peter, eh? Would he be so protective over him? And I don't get the whole protective thing, he knows that I'm a sensible lad and that I would never date someone who didn't have my best interests at heart!"

"Somebody say my name?" said a voice, which appeared to come from the pair of stubby feet sticking out from under Peter's bed.

"No, Pete. You go back to…hiding your sweets or whatever you're doing." James said, his eyebrows coming together as he tilted his head to figure out what Pete was doing. "Pete…are you hiding sweets under the floorboards?"

"…No!"

"Well then why have you pulled the floorboards up, and why are you holding a huge sack of sweets and chocolate?"

"Chocolate? Where?" Remus said, standing to attention in a meerkat-like fashion.

"It…It…It's not what it looks like!" Peter stammered, shoving handfuls of sweets into his pockets. Sirius came out of the bathroom and finally entered the fray.

"What…the…Peter, what in the name of Godric's saggy left bollock are you doing under there? Are you burrowing into the floorboards or something?" said Sirius, now getting on his hands and knees and crawling towards Peter. Pete scuffled further under the bed.

"Go away!" He whimpered, his pyjamas bulging with sweets. Sirius grabbed him by the ankle and tugged hard.

"Come…here…you…little…"Sirius growled, before falling backwards holding a pair of stripy pyjama bottoms. "Peter Arnold Richard Pettigrew, _that_ is cheating!" he shouted, now attempting to chase the rat that was scuttling along the side of the room and out of the dormitory.

"Sirius…You do realise he left his sweets unattended?" James grinned evilly.

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><p>Peter had reappeared eventually, only to find a pile of sweet wrappers and the boys tucked up in bed. Remus heard him sigh and crawl into his own bed, and soon the familiar sound of Peters snores could be heard. Suddenly Remus heard blankets rustling and the creaking of floorboards.<p>

"Can I come in?" A voice whispered close to his ear. Remus didn't verbally respond, but shuffled over and pulled back his covers. He felt a body get into his bed, and a pair of muscled arms sneak around his waist.

"You okay?"

"Mmm. You sure Walter won't mind me being here? That is, if you're still together."

"William, not Walter. And yes, we're still together. He wouldn't care, I mean we've done this every night for years now. It's harmless." Remus said. Sirius mumbled something unintelligible into his shoulder. "What was that?" Asked Remus.

"Nothing. Anyways, you still haven't told me much about him. I feel you should, seeing as I'm your best friend. I mean, you've even talked to Evans about it, I saw."

"Well…it's Lily, isn't it?" Remus gulped.

"Yes, it's Lily. And I'm Sirius. Siri. Padfoot. _Your _Padfoot."

"So?"

"_So _that means I get every single little detail about why exactly you've chosen to date a smelly French boy."

"Who said anything about him being smelly? Now you're just making stuff up."

"…Maybe. But still. Why him? What's so attractive about him?"

"Would you like to know what I'm so very confused by, Sirius?" Sirius nudged his shoulder in encouragement. "You've not once enquired about the fact he's male. Because as far as you knew, I liked girls." Remus could practically see Sirius biting his lip behind Remus' back.

"Well…I guess I'm just tolerant. I mean, it's really nothing compared to your previous revelations…Well, revelation, singular." Sirius sighed. "I just…don't care. You're just Remus. Wolfy, booky, chocolatey Remus." He hesitated for a moment. "But…I am _slightly_ curious. Are you…fully? Or not?" Remus could feel the heat of Sirius' cheeks blazing behind his head.

"I…I…" Remus stammered. "I honestly have no clue. I don't love men…or women…I just…love." He said quite simply.

"Do you love…him?" Sirius asked. Remus stayed silent.

They stayed in their positions silently for what seemed hours until they heard James give a small grunt in his sleep and they were reminded that they shared a room with the two other boys.

"You should probably…" Remus said, squirming slightly so he was no longer in the other boy's arms. Sirius nodded and, without saying a word, got out of Remus' bed and across the room into his own.  
>Remus noted to himself that it was almost dawn before he heard Sirius fall asleep, and that he needed to stop doing this.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi! :D Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up, I've been really busy recently. Also, I'm off on holiday in about two hours, and I won't be back until Sunday the 14th, so no updates until then I'm afraid. HOWEVER, I WILL be writing while I'm on holiday, so I PROMISE at least one chapter up on the Sunday (Hopefully more!). Anyway, again reviews are like crack to me, blah blah blah...Enjoy! :D  
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><p>It was the morning of their first day of Sixth Year lessons, so the Marauders had got up earlier than usual. Well, <em>Remus<em> had gotten up earlier. Peter had scrambled out of bed at the normal time of 7'oclock, by which time Remus was fully dressed and was just starting to comb his hair.

"Good morning, Peter. Sleep well?" Remus asked courteously to Peter when they were alone, fully aware he was the only Marauder that did. He almost felt like he had to make up for the teasing that the other two persisted in, even though he knew Peter mostly took it in good spirits.

"Not too bad, glad to be back in my own bed again though. You?" Peter said, yawning and ambling to the bathroom, leaving the door open so he could carry on the conversation.

"Umm…Yeah, fine." Remus said quickly. Although Peter was fairly gullible, and definitely not as intelligent as the others, he wasn't totally dumb. He could tell Remus was hiding something, and opened his mouth to ask him about it when a loud groan interrupted him. James had just woken up.

"Oh god…I don't want to get up…I'm so comfy…" He groaned into his pillow.

"Fine. Stay in bed. But I have it on good authority that we have Charms timetabled in for first lesson today…" Remus said slyly. James immediately sat up in bed.

"Really? Excellent!" He jumped up and ran to the bathroom. "Move over, Pete! I need to make sure my teeth are completely…lovely! You know, in case Evans runs over to me in the middle of Charms and lays one on me. Which I'm sure she will, I mean look at my hair this morning!" He preened in the mirror hanging over the sink, with Peter brushing his teeth beside him. "I mean…look at that gorgeous example of bed hair! It looks like I've just walked out of the bedroom of a lustful, beautiful young woman after a night filled with passion!"

"Or that you fell off your broom during Quidditch practise into a bush, only for Mrs Norris to come and claw through your hair." Peter quipped. Remus laughed heartily as James began a shoving contest at the sink.

"Right then lads, I'm going down to breakfast before all the sausages are gone. And no, I won't be saving any for you lot. You should have woken up early like me!" said Remus, swinging his bag over his shoulder and exiting the room.

"He…he won't really leave us to starve, will he?" Peter said, now rushing washing his face. "I mean, if I miss breakfast, my stomach will be rumbling all through Charms!"

"Well then, it's a bloody good thing I'm not sitting next to you, isn't it?" James elbowed Peter and carried on brushing his teeth. Peter ran out into the bedroom to get changed and down to breakfast quickly. "Is the lazy git up yet?"

"If you mean the lazy git with his arse half hanging out of the blankets, no. Want me to kick him for you?"

"Please do, if he misses breakfast he'll be moody all day."

"Oh, so you care about _him_ missing breakfast…"

"He'll curse us all if he misses his food. You'll just whine until we hit you."

Peter finished getting dressed before giving Sirius a shove.

"Come on you, get up." He said gently. Sirius threw an arm out onto his bedside cabinet and fumbled for his wand. Peter waddled back towards the bathroom and hid behind James.

"See! He's trying to curse me!" He peeped from behind James to check that the path from the bathroom to the door was clear, before sprinting out of the room and downstairs to the common room.

"Whezze? Whezpetur? Gunkillem. Kilthebuggur." Sirius muttered sleepily into his sheets, still trying to find his wand.

"He's gone. And don't blame him, I was going to come over there and kick you myself. How was your night anyway?" James walked over to the bed and took Sirius' wand just as it was in millimetres reach of his hand, waving it above his head.

"Gimme my wand, you twat head." Sirius groaned, stretching for the wand.

"Nope. You gotta get up and jump for it! Here boy! Jump!" James cackled, running around the room.

"You're dead to me, Potter. When I die, Remus is going to get all my lovely things like my books and my records and my valuable things and my motorbike, and Peter will get everything else, and _you_ won't get diddly squat."

"You don't mean that! I know you love me, Black. You love me…with the passion of a thousand burning suns! I mean, how could you not? I've seen the way you stare at me across the dinner table, the way you like to watch my arse when I'm hopping around in the mornings trying to get into my trousers, wondering how you could get into those trousers yourself and get your hands on this smoking piece of pumpkin pasty!"

"You know, I've changed my mind. You_ can_ have something when I die. Every single little bit of debt I'm in. I'll find a way to pass it on to you, don't you worry." Sirius finally hopped out of bed and tackled James to the floor with amazing strength for an early morning tackle. "And as for your pumpkin pasty, I wouldn't want to go anywhere near it, probably dirtier than a trolls eardrum." He sighed, grabbing his wand and sitting on James' back. "James, can I have a word?" He asked with a much wearier tone.

"Obtuse."

"…Excuse me? I'm not _that_ heavy…"

"No Siri, you asked for a word and I gave you one. It's a pun, see?"

"Sod off, this is serious! Well, mildly at least."

James sighed and tried to sit up, still being sat on by his best friend. Giving up, he flopped back onto the floor.

"Fine. What is it?" He sighed, resigning himself to the duty of Chief Psychiatrist and Chief Chair of Sirius Black, neither of which were easy jobs.

"If Lily started sleeping with a guy at night…like, in a fairly platonic way, just holding each other…how would you feel? What if it was just a friend, and they'd done it for years before you had come along? What if it was Remus, for example? I mean, he's platonic friends with Lily." Sirius said in a rushed sentence. James blinked at him.

"Are you suggesting that my best friend is sleeping with the love of my life…in a platonic way?" James asked, cocking his head in confusion.

"No no, I just mean what would you do if you _were_ in that situation?" Sirius asked with bated breath.

"Well…I suppose I'd punch the guys lights out. Hang on, are you assuming that myself and Lily are together in this make believe thing, because I don't think it's going to make any sense if we aren't…"

"Umm, yeah, I guess."

"Okay then." James looked cautiously at Sirius. "Umm…Siri…Padfoot…can I ask, where do you come into all of this? Are you me? Or are you Remus? Or even Lily?"

Sirius finally got up, storming into the bathroom and slamming the door shut without an answer. "Well that went well." James muttered to himself sarcastically.

He carried on getting ready for the day ahead, constantly thinking about Sirius' conundrum. Of course, what appeared to be a conundrum to Sirius was really quite a simple situation in James' eyes. He could be quite perceptive when he wanted to be, and the fact that Remus' sheets seemed to be gathered on one side of his bed, and that there were two almost permanent human sized indentations in his mattress hadn't escaped James. James, however, had nobody to discuss this conundrum with. Sirius was involved, and would probably just storm off again if it was mentioned to him. Remus, although also involved, would only see his own side and not Sirius'. Peter would be useless in this scenario, having very little perception skills. What James needed was somebody of intelligence, somebody who knew the boys, someone with tact and caring and knowledge of relationships.

What James needed was a girl. A very specific girl.

He gulped as he realised that getting Lily Evans to talk to him alone in a civilised setting would be damn near impossible. But then again, James Potter _loved _a challenge.


End file.
